Thursday, March 26, 2015

Cool Mom

Last night I was perusing Pinterest when I came across a pin from one of the "cool kids" I follow. It was an outfit that I HAVE WORN! And no, I didn't see the outfit on Pinterest first! Hannah happened to come home from kids club about this time so I told her I wanted to show her something. I quickly scrolled back up through the pins and found it.

Me: Look Hannah! Don't you LOVE this pin!

Hannah: Blank stare (insert crickets). What?

Me: Umm, hello? Don't you know I've WORN THAT OUTFIT!

Hannah: Yeah, so??

Me: Well, look who pinned it? I guess I was just thinking you'd think it was pretty cool that your mom wore an outfit that one of the "cool kids" pinned, guess that makes me a cool mom huh? :)

Hannah: Mom. Just so you know (said with sassy tone) you're a cool mom even with out that outfit. You know that don't you??

Me: Ummm

Hannah: DUH!!!

Thursday, January 22, 2015

I've decided to start blogging again after a two year hiatus. Quite honestly, I don't know how many people actually read my blog, but I've realized writing things out helps me sort through my emotions. Plus, my kids have LOVED reading through old blogs and just laughing at the funny things they did as little kids. I'm at home more these days because of Big D so I thought it'd be a good time to join the blog world again.

I know, I know. creative, right? I will change it someday, but I'm not tech savvy AT ALL so it'd probably take me a half hour to figure out to how to retitle this thing and let's be honest, I don't have hours to sit around messing with my blog title. I've only got small windows of time when Dawsy decides to sleep so I just need to crank this thing out!

So, without further ado, here I go.

My alarm was buzzing AGAIN! I hit snooze, because that's how I roll. I just can't, no matter how hard I try, get out of bed when the alarm goes off. I just HAVE to snooze a little longer. I normally start praying through the day and today was no different. As I was praying I was just feeling overwhelmed. I'm tired. I know that many moms would be THRILLED if their 4 month old would sleep 10 hour at night, but I just really need him to sleep 12! He's done it before so I know he will consistently someday, but for now I'm still waking up most mornings between 4 and 5 to feed him. Have you seen him? The dude is HUGE, so yes, he probably does need some milk to fill that ginormous belly of his! :) But SERIOUSLY? Can a girl get some rest up in this place?? The problem is that after he wakes up I can't get back to sleep, I think about all that needs to be done in my day and about the all the things I didn't get done the day before. Ugh. All that to say, I'm tired, and as I was laying in bed praying through my day I just started wondering what the point of all this was.

Same routine every day. Wake up. Feel exhausted. Get big kids up and ready for school. Rush around like chicken with head cut off until we finally make it out the door. Rush home from school and repeat everything I did the day before. Laundry, dishes, meal prep, nurse baby, change diapers, more laundry, run errands, go pick up big kids from school. Try to entertain three people, referee fights while trying to remain sane, make dinner, help with piano, homework, tuck kids (have you TRIED putting three kids to bed?? Well, it's no quick task!), get a few minutes with your husband and flop into bed exhausted. Only to wake up and repeat the same thing AGAIN!

As I lay quietly in my bed I prayed God would give me a new perspective. Oh God, change my heart to see each day as a gift. Help me to treasure every little person that you put in my life. Give me the strength to live for you and glorify your name no matter what the day throws at me. And then I remembered what our youth pastor said on Sunday. "What you do matters! WHAT YOU DO MATTERS!!!" He was preaching on a passage in Exodus on the birth of Moses. The midwives were commanded to kill every baby boy that was born, but the midwives feared God and so did not kill the babies. I bet those midwives didn't always feel like they were living out a grand purpose. But God mentions them BY NAME in the second chapter of Exodus. And through their obedience to God, Moses lived and became the man whom God raised up to set his people free. WOW! WHAT YOU DO MATTERS!

God is using our lives. In the seemingly mundane everyday life, God is using it to accomplish his purposes! That changes things doesn't it??

Ephesians 2:10
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Colossians 3:23
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving"

Thank you Lord for your gentle reminder to me this morning that my life has purpose. Thank you for the good works that you have already prepared for me to do. Thank you for the very noble task you have given me of being a wife and mother to three. Set my eyes on YOU!


Ok, let another crazy day commence!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

What God has taught me in 2012

Goodness, I barely remembered how to sign into this thing. It's been over a year since I posted! Yikes!

Anyway, I just waned to write down some thoughts of what God has been teaching me this year. It's certainly been a year filled with many bumps in the road. Here are my jumbled up thoughts.

I've always dreamed of having a large family with four or five kids. I love getting together with all my siblings and I couldn't imagine a family of two kids. Seems a little boring to offense. So after having two children I just thought it'd be fairly easy to get pregnant the third time around. I was wrong. Honestly, the entire time I was pregnant with Caden I had a feeling this would be last one so I remember trying to enjoy each stage as best I could. Through almost five years of infertility God taught me MUCH as he often does. First he taught me that he LOVES me and that he truly wants what is best for me. He taught me to die to my dreams and to live for Him and his purposes for my life. He taught me grace for others. He taught me to trust in him with all of my heart and to lean not on my own understanding.

Fast forward 4.5 years to March 2012. We're PREGNANT! I seriously could not believe it when I took the pregnancy test. I was freaking out and jumping for joy all at the same time. I was beginning to adjust to having two kids and seeing the blessing that it was. Plus, we had moved out of the napping, scheduling, diapering, stage and I was loving this new phase of life. But, we were pregnant and how could we not REJOICE! We just knew this child was from God and that he had given us a gift that we would treasure always.

At first I wasn't feeling too sick but the morning sickness kicked in around 6 weeks. We kinda knew what to expect this time around and so I slept as much as possible to try to help with the morning sickness. Chris did EVERYTHING around the house. He was my knight and shinning armor to the rescue as he always is for me. He bought the groceries, prepared the meals, taught Hannah how to mop the floor, helped with laundry, ran to various restaurants whenever I would getting a craving....oh, and he also seemed to fit in a full time job. :) I went in for my first check up at 9 weeks and got to hear the babies heart beat. It was amazing! I began feeling a little better around 10 weeks and we were SO thankful! (Normally I'm sick until around 18 weeks.)

When Caden and I went in for my 12 week check up I already had a baby bump. I was SO excited that Caden could hear the babies heart beat with me. It was a BEAUTIFUL day out, 72 degrees, sunny, not a cloud in the sky. We waltz in the Dr's office expecting a routine visit and of course it was anything but normal. The second they could not find the heartbeat I knew something was very wrong. When I saw the ultrasound I just could not believe it. You could prefectly see our precious baby. It's head, belly, arms, legs, spinal cord. So perfect formed but there was no heart beat, he was already safely in the arms of Jesus.

I was shocked. What happened? Was it my fault? Did I do something? Why would God give me a child after all these years only to take it away from me so soon? Through all the pain that the next few days, weeks and months would hold there is something I remember much more then any of that. The AMAZING grace, love, peace and comfort of Christ. I remember walking out of the office that day, devestated and crushed, but still marveling at the beauty of the day that God had given. Somehow God gave me eyes to see the beauty of that day. When I got home I had a pot of flowers that had burst open that day which I felt was straight from the hand of God. He was reminding me that he not only takes away, he also brings new life. He held our family in ways I never imagined were possible. When we were weak, HE was strong. He encouraged us through our amazing family, friends and church. I cannot tell you how much everyones emails, phone calls, cards, gifts and flowers ministered to our family. It reminded us very much that we are not alone, God has given us an amazing support system even though we are far from family.

Through it all I knew that God had a plan to work this miscarriage out for good. I didn't know how, I didn't know what he would teach me (honestly, I thought what he was teaching me were the same lessons he taught me through infertility. Trust in him, believing that he is good etc).

Fast forward to November 2012, the month we were suppose to welcome out little one home. Sometimes we face hard days, like losing a child to a misscarriage, but right now it's the daily struggles that are hardest for me. Right now I am dealing with some parenting issues that quite honestly are difficult for me to deal with. It's nothing major (things like siblings not getting along etc) but in my world right now, it's big to me. I don't feel equipped to be a mother. I get impatient and angry with my kids. I get frustrated with them when they don't live up to my unrealistic expectations. Where is God in all that? Why does he not seem to be giving me patience and peace? What is God teaching me? When we went through our miscarriage I remember several people saying things like "your faith is so strong," or "you have such a strong faith I know you'll be alright." Honestly at the time, I thought "yeah, God has given me a strong faith and I know we'll be OK." I did feel surprisingly strong through the entire lose, even though it hurt so deeply. But now God is opening my eyes (praise HIM) to see how very weak my faith is. The strength through my miscarriage did not come through me or my strong faith it was completely from the hand of God. ALL HIM! God has graciously taught me that I do not need to have the strength, he will provide it.

Recently I have been involved in a women's Bible Study through my church. This week we were talking about women being Lifegivers and boy did it hit me smack dab between the eyes. One part of our study was about Hagar . Hagar was the servant of Sarah, Abraham's wife. Sarah could not bear children so she told her servant Hagar to sleep with Abraham and conceieve a son. Hagar obeyed and bore Ishmael. Years went by and to make a long story short Sarah was ticked at Hagar and threw her out of the house. Being a single mother with no means Hagar began to wander in the dessert with her son Ishmael. She was out of food and water and she knew her son would die so she placed him under a tree and went away so she didn't have to watch him suffer and die. Ishmael began to cry and God heard the crying. God then spoke to Hagar and opened her eyes to see a well (the source of life) and they lived and Ishmael grew up to be a young man. Here's what my book says regarding that story.

"God's gift of renewal means it does not all depend upon our strength. When we are out of strength, He picks us up with gifts of power and life we did not know existed. God opened Hagar's eyes to see a new well. When she was out of energy, He renews her by giving her a new well, a well she had not seen, one she did not even know was there."

Oh thank you Jesus! Those words bring me to tears everytime I read them. Some days I feel God giving me strength, other days I feel very weak. I often don't see the well, I often don't believe that one is there. I often try to rely on my strength. But God is there and he promises to renew me even when I think it's impossible.

Looking back on this difficult year I can honestly say that I am THANKFUL for it. I am thankful that God loves me SO much that he continually teaches me more about my need for him. I am thankful that he does not leave me in my sinful state but continues to sanctify me daily. I am thankful for a God who renews me with wells of water when I cannot even see. I am praying that God will help me to continue to trust and rely on him more fully each day.

Friday, January 6, 2012


There's something that has been on my heart for a while now and I really feel like I need to share.

I've been thinking a lot about the legacy that I'm leaving for my sweet, precious Hannah.

The other day she told me she wished she had dark brown hair. It broke my heart. Hannah has gorgeous hair with lots of natural blonde highlights, people pay good money to have hair like Hannah. It broke my heart because I saw her discontent with how God made her. And I thought about me. What do I think about how God made me?

When I look at pictures of myself, I don't always see the beautiful women that God made, I see my teeth that are crooked or the beautiful women next to me who I compare myself to. However, my desire is to see the beauty in who God created me to be; inside and out.

Thankfully God has taken me on an amazing journey over the past six years. He has lovingly taught me that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made." He made no mistake when he made me or my beautiful Hannah.

When Hannah looks up to me I can't help but think about the legacy I'm leaving for her. Is she seeing a women that is able to love and accept herself the way that Christ made her, or does she see a mom who is unhappy with her hair color, or her teeth, or her body? Does she see Christ at work in her mommy?

My prayer is that Hannah will grow up to be a women who loves Christ with everything that she has...and that includes loving herself, just the way she is.

What legacy are you leaving for your little girl? When she looks at you does she see a mommy who accepts how Christ has made her? Does she see a women who is beautiful because Christ lives in her?

Thursday, November 24, 2011


My heart is heavy this Thanksgiving for all my friends who are hurting. One lost a mother, another a child, others struggle to make ends meet. How can I be thankful in the midst of such pain?

Habakkuk 3:17-18
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior."

God has given me (and thankfully my hurting friends) the gift of ETERNAL LIFE through his son Jesus Christ. He has taken away ALL my sin and one day I will live with him where he will "wipe every tear from our eye." Yes, I can rejoice! I have MUCH to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!

What about you? Do you have reason to be thankful this year despite your circumstances? God's gift of Christ is FREE for all who will receive him!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

snack and share

A couple times a month Hannah has to bring a snack to share with her class. She also gets to bring a special toy or stuffed animal from home to show for show-and-tell that day. So on Friday Hannah comes home with the new October snack schedule and of course she's the first snack girl for the month, which means, she needs 20 snacks by Monday. I find this out on Friday night. Saturday, I ran a race the ENTIRE day...seriously. We were literally RUNNING for almost 11 hours straight. Which doesn't exactly leave you with much time or energy for snack shopping. But some how I manage to find the time to run to the store and pick up a couple boxes of granola bars. Crisis averted. And, the best part is that even though Sunday was a little busy (worship team, teaching Sunday School and hosting Small group at our house that night) I still managed to have everything in order for school the next day. Lunch packed. Papers signed. Snack in backpack.

When I go pick up Hannah from school she tells me about her day and how it's a good thing that Brooke was sick because I only sent 16 snacks. Ok--not that big of a deal, but I was feeling very much like a failure because her teacher has told us a million times to send 20 snacks! I just thought each box had 10 granola bars. I guess it only had 8. Then she goes on about how poor Teagan couldn't eat her snack because she has a peanut allergy. WHAT? Now I am actually very sensitive to kids with peanut allergies because one of Hannah's very good friends is severely allergic to them. I check every label and always try to get snacks that are peanut allergy free. However, I SPECIFICALLY remember thinking that Hannah must not have any peanut allergies in her class because her teachers has NEVER told us that. (well...if she did I just obviously missed it.) And if they did have a kid with a peanut allergy they certainly should have mentioned that!

I get home from gymnastics and the first thing out of my dear husbands mouth is "what happened with snack time today? Hannah's teacher sent home an email reminding parents to bring 20 snacks and to remember that they have a child allergic to peanuts in their class."

I felt HORRIBLE. I felt like an insensitive, irresponsible parent....and I'M NOT!!!!!

Just had to get that off my chest. I messed up snack horribly. I honestly didn't know about any such allergies and I just didn't check the number of granola bars in the box.

Here's to hoping that next time around snack times goes a little better.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

bitter sweet

Bitter sweet. That's the season of life I'm in right now. The sweet part is that I LOVE the stage my kids are in. My days are no longer filled with sleepless nights, diapers, constant tears (from mommy and child), continuous discipline.... NO breaks. And although there was much to love about that season of life I'm thankful that I'm done with it for now. I love watching my children grow and blossom into beautiful little people. I love that they are growing up and changing and maturing. I love how they love each other. (Seriously, when we pick up Hannah from school Caden gives her a hug and kiss. Every day.) I love getting time to play one on one with Caden during the day while Hannah's away at school. I love the relaxed pace of the day; enjoying a little time to myself during nap time.

The other night we had friends over for dinner and Hannah came inside to help me. And it was actually helpful! I well remember those days of her wanting to "help" when she was younger and how it always ended up being more work. I remember in those times thinking how wonderful it would be when she actually could help. And now she can. I love it. I love getting ready for a party with her.

The bitter part. Well, they're growing up. I dropped off Hannah for school on Friday and cried my little heart out the whole way home. I cannot describe how much I miss her when she's gone. Our house is just not the same without my bubbly, energetic, happy-go-lucky little girl around. She just brightens up each day. And when she comes home she goes right outside to play with her friends. And my momma's heart aches just a little.

Caden. I can't believe how much he's grown up over the last year. He's definitely grown close to his Daddy, which I am SO thankful for. But he's my BABY! And my momma's heart aches for my little boy to sit in my lap and hug on his mommy and tell her she's bootiful!

It's just so hard and so wonderful all at the same time.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven"
Ecclesiastes 3:11
"He has made everything beautiful in its time."